My Girlfriend Is Moving Too Fast. What Should I Do?

I have a new girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like we're moving too fast. What should I do?
— Enrique*

The early excitement a new relationship often makes certain aspects of it — physical, emotional, or both — move faster than one of the participants might be ready for. Your head might spin with questions about what to do next, and if that's the case, the good news is that it's perfectly natural to feel a bit pressured or uncomfortable.

One person might be ready to talk about love or other serious commitment-talk before the other feels ready to respond similarly. There might be a disagreement on the amount of time spent together (either with other friends or alone). The important thing is how you and your partner handle it.

However you feel, it's good to be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings. Talk to your girlfriend about what you like and want in the relationship, and about which aspects are going faster than you can keep up with. Find out what she thinks about these things, too. Talking about this stuff is good — and part of any healthy relationship — even if it feels awkward at first.

Once you get the conversation started, you might even find that your girlfriend feels the same way, or at the very least understands your concerns and appreciates your honesty. It's also good for both of you to know that you can discuss serious matters in a mature way.

Ultimately, relationships are meant to be fun — for both people. They should make you feel appreciated, respected, and supported, not pressured or uncomfortable. It's OK to take your time to get to know each other and enjoy what you share. Taking your time allows feelings like excitement and closeness to build naturally into a solid foundation.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: August 2010

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